new states
When I’m in charge, I’ll keep a bunch of the states. But I also wanna make some new ones, too.
You know when you’re driving up the California coast, and you hit that spot where the air is suddenly breathable again? I’m going to partition that off, call it North Califoregon, and fucking run the country from there. The Inland Empire is going to get its own state as well: Calitucky. California from Santa Barbara down to the border will still be California. Maybe this way some shit will actually get done in the State Legislature(s).
The region from just north of Orlando to Albany, Georgia? Florgia. Florida’s capital will move to Tampa, and the Florgians can set up shop in Tallahassee because really, fuck that place.
Idaho, both Dakotas, Montana and Wyoming will be collapsed into one state: North Montanaho. It’ll be larger than Texas, and nearly as shitty.
Speaking of Texas, I’m going to give them just enough of Oklahoma so that the latter state’s borders look even more like a penis/testicles combo. Then I’ll rename it “Sacklahoma” and we can laugh at everybody who lives there, until they move to Florgia out of shame.
The whole world will then be named “Fail, D.C.”